Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sing, Ye Heavens, and Earth Reply: Alleluia!

We just got home from performing in our Stake's (group of several LDS congregations) Easter Oratorio. What an experience! The choir director was quite ambitious: we had a full orchestra, children's choir, youth choir, adult choir, and several soloists and small group numbers. The music ranged from primary songs to selections from the Messiah. There were rough spots, admittedly, but overall it was glorious.

I love to sing with people who can sing. We actually pulled off O Magnum Mysterium a cappella. It has long been a dream of mine to sing that piece: the translation of the Latin text is beautiful, and the swirling harmonies are ethereal.

I've always had a love/hate relationship with singing. I have tried several times to cut it out of my life because it has been such a frustrating and emotional thing for me, but I keep coming back to it. For better or for worse, I can't live without it. And even though there are still some times that I struggle because my voice feels trapped inside me, strangled by my own psychological need to pathologically control things, there are also times that I can partially transcend myself, forget myself, and give myself to the gloriousness of inspired song.

I still have hope that I'll one day break through my self-erected barriers of tension and doubt, but until then I will sing anyway. I'll share whatever talent I have anyway. And sometimes I'll still probably cry in frustration, but I will also fully live those moments where music lifts me beyond myself, where it's not just my voice that's singing--it's all of me.

As my beautiful roommate Rachel often said, quoting Spencer W. Kimball, "Let us not die with our music still in us."

I don't intend to.

2 comments:

  1. Don't ever stop singing! I have loved your voice since I have met you. That's one of the many things that I love about you. Keep that beautiful voice going!

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  2. I've missed a lot by not checking your blog more often. But seriously - I LOVE reading everything you write!!! I totally agree with you that it's much more fun to do something you're good at - and you're definitely good at writing and expressing your feelings!! Thanks for your comments on my "hypothetical" situation!! We are still looking into every possible option (including continuing to pay our over-priced mortgage for forever)! Be grateful you're not involved in the housing mess!! Apartments Are Awesome!!! ;o)

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