Saturday, February 28, 2009
No, the email spammers never emailed me back. Neither did the library people. Which, when I think about it, I'm quite grateful for: it was a pretty trivial email, and I really don't want to know what they thought. I admit it: I'm a coward. I'd much rather voice my opinions anonymously, but I usually force myself to put my name on stuff. Wear it proudly, right?
Oh, but they did read my email: the last time I walked past the shadow box, there was a sticker over "Barack Obama" on the author field of the propaganda poem that said "By Cherita Banton. Published 2008." Looks like even they can't stand incorrect citation, eh?
I have another confession.
So there's this nice, brand-new, always clean black Toyota Camry that's always parked near our apartment. For months, though, the guy who drove it (a fruity guy who wears tangerine-colored button-downs, as we later found out) would park, very obnoxiously, across two parking spots. And it drove me nuts. But more than that, it made Jay mad. And so, between the two of us, we began to space our cars out in the parking lot in such a way as to make it impossible for Black Camry to double park. On the days when we were too late and he was already sprawled across his two spots, Jay would straddle the line himself and park dangerously close to him. We hoped he’d take a hint, but like most inconsiderate jerks, he was either oblivious or indifferent. “Who does this gold 2005 Sonata guy think he is?” I can just imagine him musing to himself, “Parking so close to the greatness that is my car! And doesn’t he know he’s double parked?”
The thing is, there’s a string of covered parking spaces that are right next to where he was parking. To get a covered space, you have to pay an extra $25 a month. Since most people living in apartment complexes are trying to save money so they can get out of apartment complexes, those spots are empty. A lone FJ Cruiser inhabits the space on the end. If Black Camry was that concerned about door dings, I figured the extra 25 bucks a month was a small price to pay for peace of mind.
But the months went by, and the double parking continued. I seriously considered leaving a nasty anonymous note on his windshield. I also seriously considered calling management. Because, really, sometimes I just can’t take it anymore.
In a twist that only irony can produce, Jay went out one Saturday morning a few weeks ago to find a large, bright orange sticker on his car window. “WARNING,” it read, “Your car is double parked. If you do not move it, it will be towed.” It had the date and time at the bottom. Jay had, of course, double parked in order to be cozy with Black Camry who, in turn, had apparently left and then come back later. Upon his return, he took advantage of Jay’s double parking job by parking a half-space away, effectively giving himself a buffer. His car was on the line, but since he was no longer double parked, Jay was the one with the orange sticker.
I was steamed. I folded the big orange sticker in half and threw it away. I wanted to call the towing company to demand a recount because, of course, by that afternoon he was double parked again. And now Jay didn’t dare park next to him, lest he get towed.
That night, I dug the warning sticker out of the trashcan. I tried to unfold it, but the sides were stuck together. Under cover of darkness, I went outside and approached that blasted double parked Black Camry. I slipped the folded-up orange sticker with yesterday’s date under his windshield wiper.
He hasn’t double parked since.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Yesterday was a muggy day that consisted of overall humid grossness punctuated by intermittent drizzling spells. It was evening, and Jay had just returned from his ultimate frisbee game when we heard a dull roar--the kind that can either be thunder or a big garbage can rolling down a hill. It lasted for over 15 seconds, so I discarded the thunder theory. But a few minutes later, the wind picked up. I started to get hopeful: we haven't had a good storm here in awhile. Apparently San Antonio is in a bad drought, or so the media says (but my dad always grumbles that if newspapers aren't whining about critically low water supplies they're screaming about floods, so take that for what it's worth). A few minutes later, I thought I heard rain, and then it was more than rain pounding against our walls. I ran outside and saw pebble-sized hailstones bouncing on the grass: the biggest I'd ever seen. I grabbed one and ran inside to show it to Jay; it looked like a clear half-marble in my hand. We ran outside together as the storm intensified and the hail came down bigger and harder than before, like the sky was hurling large marbles and small rocks as hard as it could. I was so excited. I started yelling at Jay to grab the camera as I tried to gather some of the stones without incurring a concussion.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
We are pleased to inform you today that you are one of the five lucky
winner of the MICROSOFT 2009 anniversary draw, held on the 8th of febuary
Contact claims representative for 1 million GBP
Name :TOM ROGER
forward your details to him for delivery process, Provide him with the
Mr. Richard Lenox
date: Mon, Feb 9, 2009 at 4:33 PM
subject: Re: CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE A WINNER
Dear "Mr. Richard Lenox":
Do people seriously fall for this? I mean, seriously?
First of all, you might want to get a spell checker. I counted 18 spelling, grammatical, or punctuation errors in your short message.
Second of all, a yahoo email address? Really? How authentic.
People like you need to go and find real jobs instead of spending all your time spamming and scamming. Maybe going back to primary school would improve your basic writing skills enough that you could actually write a resume or complete a job application and become a contributing member of society.
"Mrs. Beatrix Potter"
Monday, February 2, 2009
2. I cannot curl my tongue into a "U" or fold the sides to the midline.
3. I've always wanted to have buff, sexy calves.
4. I hate tv and have no desire at this time to ever buy cable or a satellite dish. I can watch the one show I like (The Office) online at my leisure. We'll probably buy a tv eventually for movies; right now I'm perfectly content with our laptops.
5. For the past few months I have been fiercely wanting to move to Europe for a couple years, preferably somewhere in the U.K.
6. The number one thing on my "stuff I want but don't have room or money for" list is a baby grand piano. Jay promised me we'll get one someday.
7. I am the absolute worst dancer in the world. No lie. Except for awkward dancing that's really and truly awkwardly awkward--I rock at it. Just ask my sister or my former roommates.
8. Sometimes I think I have borderline OCD. Maybe there's no borderline about it.
9. I feel like my life is a movie with recycled extras--I swear I see the same people over and over again. It doesn't matter if I'm in San Antonio, St. George, Hawaii, BYU, California, or London--I always see people I'm positive I know from somewhere.
10. I am a compulsive reader: I finish almost every book within 48 hours of starting it, and usually under 5 if I can read without interruption.
11. I really dislike uncomfortable shoes. I wear old, nasty, cheap, comfortable flip flops whenever possible.
12. I have a talent for performing well on tests (standardized or not). It usually hurts me more than it helps me, though, because I don't learn the material as well as I should.
13. I hate mornings. I really do. I don't talk in the morning half because my voice doesn't work and half because I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret.
14. I like people, but I'm very introverted. I'd generally rather work on an assignment or project by myself than with a group.
15. I consider cold cereal to be the food of the gods. (For those of you worried about my husband, I do like to cook as long as I have the time.)
16. I like brownie batter and cookie dough better than brownies or cookies.
17. I am not good at keeping in touch, but I often find myself thinking about people from my past and wondering how they are doing.
18. I have very strong opinions about almost everything, but I make an effort not to use them to condemn or judge people. I try to respect different viewpoints, and I expect the same in return.
19. At 5'5", I'm tied with my dad and my brother for tallest in my family (my husband, who is 6'5", doesn't count).
20. I am a spelling and grammar nazi and cannot respect a business that has typos on its signs or advertisements. Ditto for newspapers, websites and books that are too cheap to hire a decent proof reader.
21. I took one of those "personality color" tests a couple years ago, and I was far and away Red. Like, red red. With no yellow at all. Basically a red billboard with a couple tiny splatters of white and blue. Monochromatic. And I was so disappointed because of all the personality "colors," Red is my least favorite. Apparently I am also one of those people who puts way too much stock in personality tests.
22. I really have a problem with people who move to the United States and don't learn English.
23. When I was 2 or 3, I had invisible friends named Judy and Blobly, except I couldn't say my L's so I called them "Judy and Bwobwy."
24. I gave a talk, sang a duet with my sister, and sang in the choir all in the same Stake Conference (big church meeting with 1,000+ people) when I was 9 years old.
25. I am a hair wuss: I have never dyed, streaked, permed, highlighted, colored, or done anything remotely chemical to my hair. I've never had it shorter than my shoulders, and my one experience with layers was a disaster--I went back a month later and had them all chopped off.
26. I don't like fads or conforming, so as my own act of quiet rebellion, I chose to write 26 things.