Friday, June 26, 2009

Laughing at Others' Expense is a Favorite Pastime

I look upon email-proliferated internet scams and phishing schemes with abhorrence, but I have to admit I get guilty pleasure from some of the less intelligent ones. The author of this one, "Ms Jenny," is obviously not a native English speaker, but "she" admirably appears to have learnt the language from a Jane Austen book. Indeed, there are points where I can't tell if I'm reading a business proposition or a letter from Mr. Darcy to Ms. Bennett.

I usually love to pick things like this apart, exposing all the errors and contradictions, but this one is funny all by itself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
from: Ms Jennifer H. Robert <bgirard@cegetel.net>
reply to: jennifer.howard@baclaysbk.com
to date: 23 May 2009 02:33
subject: Private and Confidential.


My beloved,

I will be delighted on your response to my converse; it will encourage me to divulge my proposal to you. But rest guaranteed as it approach with most excellent of intentions. Hence I determined to intimate you personally and inconspicuously through this business proposal of mutual benefit after due deliberation of your profile, I became aware and assured of your credibility of handling this trust and my future as it will be beneficial to both of us involved.

My dear, I am contacting you base on situation with the intention of your profile look so class and deferential and I anticipate you won't let me down at any rate, meaningful that this is the first time I am doing this kind of business as well doing it with a gentle one.
In point of fact I would like us to join ourselves mutually, I wish for us to unity in this contract .Furthermore we be supposed to be transparent and sincere to both of us for the reason that I consider that the nature that made us to have this completed has characteristic meant for both of us.
Nevertheless, I am Ms Jennifer Robert; I occupation with (BARCLAYS) bank London branch packaging and courier department. I wish for you to assist me receive this package that is in one of a courier company in oversea, of which I have secured a diplomat who promised to assist me deliver it to whomever I appoint as a partner to his position. The package involve sum of $10,500,000,00USD all in $100.00 bills.

These are the needed requirements I require from you: Name in full/ Address, Occupation and your position/Phone office and mobile, Age/Status, State/Country. And I hope at the end of the day you will have 30% while 70% will be for me which shall be invested together with you in a combined investment; additional modalities will be discussed as almost immediately as you get back to me.

I will be highly appreciated upon receipt of your positive response, so that we can discuss on how to get the consignment of money. Deliver to your address and your sincerity towards this subject.

I wait for your urgent response.

Best Regards
Ms Jenny.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About Jay (aka Happy Birthday, Baby!)

Jay on his birthday at my parents' house in St. George with that divine fresh strawberry pie.
Jay's birthday was just over a month ago, and since I was on blogging hiatus I didn't post anything about it. So, as a tribute to the flash-in-the-pan "25 things" fad, I give you "28 things about Jay," one for each year of his life.
  1. He's weird about shampoo/shower gel bottles: they have to be clean (no dried up shampoo around the top)
  2. He really likes spiders and hates killing them when we find them in the house (I am such a mean wife for making him)
  3. He hates olives with a passion you wouldn't believe and once wrote a long, made-up story about why they should be detested and sent it to his entire extended family
  4. He's a good cook and likes to try out new recipes
  5. He has an interesting idiolect--there are some words he pronounces differently (escape = ex-cape, and he insists on saying "silent letters" like the L in "stalk")
  6. He's always more dressed up than I am, usually in khakis and a button-down shirt (I'm always in jeans and a t-shirt)
  7. He doesn't own a heavy jacket because he just doesn't get cold
  8. He thinks computer programming is FUN
  9. He speaks pretty good Spanish, but he has a strong gringo accent
  10. Maybe it's a crossover from his Spanish, but he prefaces a lot of nouns with "the" that don't normally require articles (i.e. he used to say it when referencing our apt. complex: "Let's go back to the Roman Gardens," which is basically like saying "let's go to theWalmart")
  11. When he's writing, he rarely if ever uses contractions: it's always "I am," "I will," "you are," "it is" etc. It makes him sound formal and somewhat detached and charming.
  12. Once he was teaching a lesson in church and instead of saying "don't be deceived," he said "don't be conceived"
  13. He really has a thing for curly hair (which is lucky for me)
  14. At a slender 6'5", he's really hard to buy clothes for (well, hard for a guy, anyway)
  15. He's a pretty mellow, laid-back guy until he starts playing board/card games (there have been several instances where we've had to ban Monopoly for the sake of our marriage)
  16. He's not so good at basketball, but he's really good at ultimate frisbee (talk about a random sport)
  17. He's a little kid at heart and has a super goofy sense of humor... Sometimes a little too goofy (like when he cracks up at the word "poop")
  18. He has huge feet (size 13)
  19. Jay writes poems. They tend to be a cross between the works of Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein. One of us may be an author yet...
  20. He's really good with his hands when it comes to carving and filling and waxing teeth. A weird talent, but quite useful considering the circumstances.
  21. He's very service-oriented; much more so than I am. He's constantly signing up to help people move, clean the church, etc. At one point I got kinda frustrated because I never saw him on Saturday mornings, but I love his willingness to help others
  22. He LOVES fresh fruit--a good chunk of our grocery bill goes toward pineapple and fresh berries every week
  23. He loves ice cream more than just about anyone I know, specifically Blue Bell (which can only be found in and around Texas). He's been known to go through an entire half-gallon of super-premium ice cream in a day or two
  24. He can't stand to wear jewelry of any kind, including a watch. He's mostly used to his wedding ring now, but with how much he fiddles with it it's a miracle he hasn't lost it yet
  25. He's one of the most patient, genuine people I know (I say genuine because he can't lie (in word or deed) to save his life)
  26. He has the biggest tongue I've ever seen, and he can pretty much pick his nose with it. Disgusting, but true.
  27. He can make his stomach growl (loudly) on command
  28. He can wiggle both of his ears

Happy Birthday, Jay! Love you.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Playing Ketchup

I'm just wrapping up an unplanned one-month break from blogging (both reading others' and writing my own), email, and internet in general.  It's actually been tough to convince myself to start back up again, but I think writing is good for me.  Plus, blogging is a pseudo-productive time-waster (as opposed to my other completely non-productive time-wasters).  

Here is a brief rundown of events and milestones from the past 30 days or so:
  • A birthday (Jay's)
  • An anniversary
  • A two-week vacation
  • More board games than you can possibly imagine
  • Getting rained on in two national parks on two different weekends
  • A cabin stay
  • A trip to Logan
  • Two best friends' weddings
  • Two siblings' mission year marks
  • Singing duets in a rest home
  • Visiting grandparents
  • Fixing computers for Lindsay's family members (Jay)
  • Finishing second year of dental school and first year of grad school
  • Hair cuts
  • A move
  • Minor surgery
  • Encounters with two of Jay's sisters, two nieces, and a brother-in-law
  • Getting the royal treatment from my parents
  • Losing to Steven at Scum
  • Starting summer school (Lindsay) and studying for boards (Jay)
  • Making homemade wheat bread
  • Unpacking
  • Lots of books
  • A night in Tropic
  • Hiking Angel's Landing
I'll elaborate on a few of these at some point.  Life has been eventful and fun.