Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Bronco

Let's just get this out of the way: I'm opinionated (no sharp intakes of breath, please). Which basically means that I feel strongly about a lot of things, some of which even I freely admit are really quite stupid. It's likely that you don't share some of my opinions, and you may even feel exactly the opposite. That's fine. So disagree or debate with me, but don't get offended. Deal?

I really have a problem with "unique" or "creative" names and spellings. I've noticed it most frequently in the Mormon and African American cultures, but there are other culprits out there. It's getting out of hand. (Case in point: I recently met a (non-mormon, non-AA) boy named Georgie. His name is spelled Jorjje. I wouldn't be surprised if he accosts his parents later in life and says something to the effect of, "Mom and Dad, do you HATE me??")

I graduated from Brigham Young University, and I love my alma mater. I'm not much of a football fan, but Jay and my dad, along with other various family members, are. BYU's new head coach has done some pretty great things for the team. His name is Bronco Mendenhall. I consider it fortunate for his parents that he grew up to be a football coach. Then again, with a name like Bronco, what other professions are open to you?

Bronco and his wife, Holly, have three sons: Breaker, Raider, and Cutter (One Who Breaks, One Who Raids, and One Who Cuts, respectively). The Mendenhalls are apparently pretty confident that their boys are going to follow in their father's footsteps and have illustrious athletic careers. If they fall short, well... they can always be thugs or hit men (can you imagine a broker named Breaker? or a dentist named Cutter? or an attorney named Raider?).

As a service, because it can't be easy to come up with such unique and violent monikers, I've decided to compose a list of potential names for any future little Mendenhalls:

Crusher
Basher
Ripper
Slicer
Stealer
Tearer (alt. spelling: Terror)
Knifer
Maimer
Dicer
Cracker
Render
Gasher
Splinter (or Splinterer)
Rupturer
Spoiler
Blitzer (though maybe it sounds too much like the Reindeer?)
Chopper
Hacker
Carver
Slasher
Stabber
Invader (Vader for short)
Crasher
Slaughter(er)
Bomber
Charger
Rusher
Sacker
Kicker
Pummeler
(Jay submitted most of the football term names, including "Receiver," but I decided it didn't make the list because it wasn't violent enough)

And in case they decide they want a name more reminiscent of "Bronco":
Stallion
Mustang
Steed
Buck
Stud

So, if you happen to be acquainted with the Mendenhall family, please feel free to pass the list along.

11 comments:

  1. Dang, Lindsay. I so wish I had consulted you on naming your brothers. Instead, I went with the very conventional Steven and David. Bomber and Striker (as in matches) would have been much more cool, since they are both pyros.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do weird spellings include Jayson, Jayden, Jayme, Jaylin, Jayke, and Jaymes? We already discussed the names of our children. There is no going back on our prenup!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL!! =)
    i LOVE this. Riley and I discuss this frequently...gotta love those crazy names/ spellings. I actually do have a friend who named her son bronco, after the coach of course.
    i'm pretty sure ripper was a baby on a photography blog i follow...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lindsay, I found your blog on facebook and love when you post. They are always so amusing. And I have to agree with you on made up spellings. I totally dislike them. We had friends who named their daughter "Adasyn." I think it is awful! (The spelling, not necessarily the name.) So, please keep up your amusing posts, and feel free to read my blog. :)
    -Michelle (McClellan) Boyd

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the Mendenhall boys are all named after horse/equestrian terms. I thought it was adorable. His wife Holly, is a horse lover so why not name your kids after something that that your passionate about?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Why not? Because then my kids would be named Bass and Treble (or Larynx and Ritard), and I don't even want to ponder on what obscure mathematical terms my mom would have chosen for me and my siblings.

    Frankly, I find the practice of "naming your kids after something you're passionate about" quite horrifying in most cases; an "adorable" name for a child is frequently an embarrassing name for an adult. HOWEVER, I'm glad there are people (like you) who don't cringe every time they meet a Raider or an Adasyn--it means those kids will stand a chance when they grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. But if your passion happens to be your husband... It is ok to name your kids after him, right baby?

    ReplyDelete
  8. hahaha!!! I'll be laughing for hours!

    Oh, and Jay, Alex was trying to help. The other day he was coming across "Jay-___" names. I'm sure none that you haven't already come up with.

    I have to say, if Breaker ever became a lawyer! bahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  9. "Cracker"...isn't that Jay's middle name?

    By the way, apparently Bronco's kids' names all have to do with raising/training horses.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So I've heard, Ben. But I can't imagine someone meeting the kids and saying, "Raider, huh? Isn't that an equestrian term?" So even if they are all named after variants of horse terms, to the vast majority of the public, they're still going to sound like violent football nicknames or thugs. I just can't get myself to believe their parents thought this one all the way through...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I don't know what you're talking about. My future son is going to be a total stud, so why not name him Stud? Sounds reasonable to me! His middle name will, of course, be Muffin.

    ReplyDelete