Saturday, December 31, 2011

Full Circle


I love the cyclical nature of things: the rotation of night to day, of winter to spring, of one year to the next.  I love the circle of life and the onward, incessant march of time.  I am overcome when I think that it wasn't so long ago my mom was expecting me, her first child, and riding the same roller coaster of hopes and fears and dreams that I am right now.  And it wasn't too too long ago that my grandmother was expecting my mom, her first child, and had worries and joys of her own.  And it won't be too long (but don't let it be too soon!) before my first child, this baby girl inside of me, will be expecting her own child, and me, my mom, and my grandma will proudly move up a rung on the generational ladder.  

This time of year especially, I find myself contemplating the "ever-circling years" and the slow-but-quickening transition of sunrise to sunset.  Somewhat against my better judgment, I'm posting a recording of me and my sisters from last Christmas.  It's a song called "A Long Time Ago," and the first verse talks about a mother, Mary, lying by the side of her new baby. The second verse is about the Savior's life, and the third verse returns to Mary, kneeling at the cross of her dying son.  

The full-circle nature of that story--birth to perfect manhood to death--is, in itself, poignant and agonizing and bittersweet, but the fourth verse of the song draws a much wider circle around the event: centuries later, a mother kneels by the side of her small daughter in prayer and teaches her about the Savior.


I am, in turns, overwhelmed, inadequate, and in denial, but knowing I am linked to generations of amazing women--those who have gone before me and those who will come after, who have lived and who will live the same timeless experiences I am right now--strengthens me.  I felt close to Mary this Christmas, with my baby and my discomfort growing by the day, and I feel close to this girl-child whose shape I have blindly felt through various sharp kicks and pokes.  While I will never be a perfect mother, or even close, I pray that I will be enough.  


Lisa on alto, Sara on soprano, Lindsay on second, Liz (friend) on piano.  A Long Time Ago by Denise Orgill Ferguson, harmony parts by me.  Lyrics can be found here.  Bear in mind that this is in one take, that we're not professionals, and that it's not perfect--please listen kindly.  


13 comments:

  1. So, are you sure you didn't put a pillow under your shirt? You are all belly Lindsay! :)

    I love the recording. Your sisters are great and I love when you sing together. Thank you for posting that video.

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  2. Lindsay, you look beautiful! I always love listening to you sing. Hope the pregnancy is going well. Love you, girl!

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  3. Very inspiring and beautiful! Thank you!!

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  4. Lindsay- I know I personally can't relate to being a mother but we are so excited for you and Jay. You'll have to let us know when it's a good time to visit once the baby is born.

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  5. Beautiful song and message! And thank you for all the pregnancy comical relief. I'm excited for you to not be pregnant anymore-it's a lot more fun to wake up to a newbie in the middle of the night rather than emptying your bladder for the fifth time. Not long to go!

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  6. Hi. Thanks for sharing that song...it means alot to me for it has such special meaning to me even more so now. I can't believe it is 30 years old! I thought of Mary the day I wrote it. I was at the church in the RS room, as we were a new married couple, so I would go there to play the piano. I began to think of Mary, and the Savior, and this lullaby came, the lyrics just flowed and I didn't have a paper or pencil so I sang it till I could remember it. I played it for my husband when he came to get me, and he wept. I will never forget this song. It is special to my five sons. I really thought how difficult to kneel at His cross. My oldest son passed away in January 2005, at the tender age of 22, and I know the agony of a mother's loss. I as well sang this song at the funeral of my mother, two years ago,'who taught me to pray and worship God and to follow the Savior's light.' I hope you and your husband and your new little daughter (arrives safely,) and that you will have many many happy blessings as an eternal family. If you want to email me I will send you a lullaby cd for your new little lamb. denferguson@hotmail.com I have family in San Antonio as well...though I know there are many stakes. Love to you and your sisters too~ Denise

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  7. Lindsay, I hope you know how amazingly gifted you three are! I love playing for you whenever you visit, and I'm glad to know such a beautiful person, inside & out. Your post brought tears to my eyes, as I've struggled lately balancing time between my five crazy kids. It's a comfort to reflect on the fact that countless women have successfully been through the same thing before us, and that we can do it. Thanks for being an inspiration! Best of luck with your little precious baby-on-the-way!!

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  8. Sorry to be a creepy blog stalker but I found your link while looking for the harmony to this song! Do you by cance have it written down at all and are willing to share? Thanks!! alyssadawn20@yahoo.com

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  9. Sorry to be a creepy blog stalker but I found your link while looking for the harmony to this song! Do you by cance have it written down at all and are willing to share? Thanks!! alyssadawn20@yahoo.com

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  10. I had this song on cassette during my teen years and just adore it. I have searched for the sheet music on the web to no avail. I would really love to get the sheet music with harmony parts for a Christmas trio. Sincerest thanks! plainjaneoutdoors@gmail.com

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  11. Where did you find the sheet music? I had this song when I was a teen and really want to get it! wkfinley2973@gmail.com

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  12. I too would love to purchase the sheet music for this song. Absolutely love it. My email is: Thuan.stevens@gmail.com

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  13. I too would love to purchase the sheet music for this song. Absolutely love it. My email is: Thuan.stevens@gmail.com

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